I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
