Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
