garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Floor bacon is actually really good
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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