he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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