There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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