All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize