Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
