i already hear my dad disowning me
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
