I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
