I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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