We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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