Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.