3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.