Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(404): View more from Georgia

I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot

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(713): View more from Texas

Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?

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(704): View more from North Carolina

there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone

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23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Read it at the TFLN blog
(805): View more from California

I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.

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(320): View more from Minnesota

I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....

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(212): View more from New York

You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.

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(254): View more from Texas

If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.

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