The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.