I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
