I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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