I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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