no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
