remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
