There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
