you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
