The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
