Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
