anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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