i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just want nice things and good sex
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
