i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
