Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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