woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
