I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
