No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
