then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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