Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
