Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
