You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
