He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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