just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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