I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
