omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
