It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
if only i could text you this smell
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
