No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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