I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
