did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
