I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
