a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
