the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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