im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize