I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
