I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
