I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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