gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
