We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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