The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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