i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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