So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
