Im at strip club and am horny
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
