Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
