Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
