I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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