I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We left the knife in your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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