My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
