my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
