Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
