He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
