Is it because I queefed?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
